It's a sad fact that bullying is a part of life. Here you will find advice for if you are a child and are being bullied, if you are a parent of a bullied child or if you discover that your child has been bullying. There is even a section on other people who have been bullied and gone on to live happy and successful lives.

  Help!! I’m being bullied.

If you are being bullied at school, or online, there are loads of things you can do to help yourself.

* Be sure that you really are being bullied. Bullying is when someone repeatedly does something to you that you have made clear you do not like. If your friend is unkind because you have had a row, that isn't bullying. But if they keep it up and become more spiteful, it might be.

* If someone calls you names once or twice, it's not bullying. If they often call you names and insult you when you have asked them to stop, that is bullying. So, too, is hitting or otherwise hurting you.

* Remember that you are not being bullied because of the way YOU are, but because of the way the bully is. Nearly everyone is bullied at some point in their lives. Even bullies are victims eventually.

* Do not, under any circumstances, get the idea that there is something wrong with you. Don't be ashamed, you have done nothing wrong.

* If you are being bullied online, try changing your screen name. Only give your new screen name to people you trust. If that doesn't work, stay away from the computer for a while. Telephone or text your friends rather than chatting online.

* This is the most important one. Tell. Tell your friends. Tell your parents. Tell your friend's parents. Tell your granny. Tell a teacher. Tell the truth. The bully has probably warned you that if you tell then they will hurt you even more. But if you don't tell, the bullying might never stop, which is much worse. Once the truth has come out then the bully is likely to find themselves in very hot water if they touch you again.

Help!! My child is being bullied!

There is nothing more heart wrenching than the realisation that your child is being bullied at school. For most of us school was a place of safety and security, part of our system of nests which included our best friend’s house and Grandma’s. We want the same for our children and it is often difficult to accept that the reverse is true.

Despite the efforts of schools and teachers many children every year are still bullied unmercifully, some children are even driven to suicide because of it. Unfortunately it often takes time for children, especially if they are at Secondary school, to admit that there is a problem. So, as a parent, what can you do if you suspect that your child is being bullied?

* Bruising is one of the more obvious signs. Your child might try to hide them or make up stories about falling. Not all bullying is physical, though.

* Look out for unexplained and/or frequent illnesses such as upset stomachs. The physical symptoms will probably be real – stress can be a factor in many illnesses such as IBS, asthma, eczema…the list is huge.

* Maybe they have suddenly started having nightmares, they might get upset more easily and might be more aggressive, especially towards their siblings.

* Their school work will probably suffer.

* They may well start to stammer, become nervous and withdrawn and their appetite might be affected.

* They might become evasive or come up with improbable excuses. Don’t demand that your child tell you the truth. Gentle encouragement is much more effective.

* Once you know that bullying is an issue, the most important thing is to stay calm. As a loving parent you are furious that this is happening, but it is by staying calm and thinking clearly that you are most effective in finding a solution.

* If your child is old enough to write, ask them to write down as accurately as possible exactly what has been happening, including times and dates where possible. If they cannot write fluently, get them to tell everything into a Dictaphone or MP3 recorder. Each time they tell it they have to relive the trauma, with the additional stress of making sure they remember everything every time. From now on, keep an accurate diary of events.

* Ensure that they really are being bullied - it's easy for children to confuse a bust up with their pals with being bullied.

* Make an appointment to see your child's teacher. Bullies can be very sly and manipulative, so it may be difficult for her to believe. Even so, she is duty bound to investigate and often this is enough to stop the bully in his or her tracks.

* If the bullying continues, make an appointment to see the Head. A more thorough investigation should then take place, and the bully dealt with. If the Head is less than co-operative or if nothing happens within a week or two, contact a Parent Governor, or even the Chair of Governors for help. Having said that, in my experience bullying is an issue that Headteachers take very seriously indeed.

* Remember that children are criminally responsible from the age of 10. If the assault is severe, contact the police regardless of the bully's age.

* To help your child recover, you might want to offer them self defence lessons or assertiveness training.

* Take them to your GP, who can arrange counselling if necessary.
 

Help!! My child is a bully.

It often comes as a nasty shock to parents to discover that their child is a bully, particularly if they are quiet and well behaved at home. What can you do if the school or another parent claim your child has been bullying?

* Do not assume that the accusations are unfounded. Even the sweetest of children have been known to bully.

* Do not fly off the handle and punish your child.

* Discuss the issue calmly, giving them a chance to give their side of the story. Find out exactly what causes each incident of bullying. If your child is, for instance, being teased, contact the school and/or parents and discuss ways that both sides could alter their behaviour.

* Discuss alternative actions your child could take.

* It may well be that your child is upset by other circustances. Resolve these issues and the bullying should follow suit.

* Together with your partner, or another supportive adult and possibly your child's teacher, decide on a suitable punishment when you child bullies. Make sure that it is something that you will follow through every time. Threatening to cancel a family holiday, for instance, is unlikely to work as you will probably not carry out the threat. Banning computer games for a week, however, is a very effective tool.

* Ask your child's teacher to send you frequent, brief reports on their behaviour.

* Calmly explain to your child that anti-social behaviour will not be tolerated. Make it clear that every time they bully, then they will receive the chosen punishment.

* Set them small goals and reward them.

* If all else fails, contact your GP or an alternative therapist. They will be able to provide any counselling or anger management if necessary.

Who else has been bullied?

Remember I said that nearly everyone has been bullied? Well, that list includes;

Me. I was bullied at work. See, even adults can suffer bullying.
Jennifer Ellison
Sir Ranulph Fiennes
Jenny Eclair
Brian McFadden
Pierce Brosnan
Alan Davies
Tyra Banks
Victoria Beckham
Harrison Ford
Kate Winslet
Duncan Goodhew
Winona Ryder
Rihanna
Jessica Simpson